Professional Development Forum

Shameless plug: I recently wrote this blog post about burnout for the Connect by Rotary blog.

March is #socialworkmonth in the US. In true social work fashion, I think it's critical we talk about and give name to "the hard stuff." ​​Asking for help or acknowledging we're struggling is one of the most difficult tasks we can do as human beings, truly.

If you feel comfortable sharing your own story of burnout, here is some space for you to do so. 🌟

Hi Lindsay,

I hope that you are OK (asking not just the once, I'll ask again: how are you really feeling)...  Unfortunately many work environments (or places within society even) where people feel comfortable enough to openly discuss or disclose when they are struggling.  It's understandable that people don't necessarily reach out to ask for help or support (you said you didn't approach HR, so perhaps they weren't approachable) and more often than not it's when people struggle to the point that they end up off work that the penny drops for the employer that there's something wrong.  Employers do have a responsibly towards their employees' wellbeing; if more took a proactive approach then this would facilitate more discussion/disclosure perhaps before it develops into a crisis.

You're right to say asking for help or acknowledging the struggle is difficult, however if an organisation takes a supportive approach people may feel more inclined to reach out.  I run my own social enterprise called Compassionate Cuppa, which aims to uplift mental wellbeing for individuals and organisations.  There is an irony though for me as despite what I do, I am at risk of burning out in the pursuit of trying to develop the enterprise (mainly on my own).  When you're employed it's much easier to 'work to rule' as you have time boundaries.  However, when you're self-employed - of course you get to choose when you work etc... The reality is though that many start-ups require an incredible amount of sweat currency, juggling many different roles within the business as well as my life outside of that... Self-care and exercising boundaries are crucial, as your blog attests.

------------------------------
Ling Salter
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 03-26-2021 10:20
From: Lindsay Griswold
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Shameless plug: I recently wrote this blog post about burnout for the Connect by Rotary blog.

March is #socialworkmonth in the US. In true social work fashion, I think it's critical we talk about and give name to "the hard stuff." ​​Asking for help or acknowledging we're struggling is one of the most difficult tasks we can do as human beings, truly.

If you feel comfortable sharing your own story of burnout, here is some space for you to share it. 🌟

@Lindsay Griswold - thank you for sharing your story. I'm so glad you were able to find a better fit!

Here's my burnout story in a nutshell: I used to work as a Hall Director (for those of you who don't know - they're the professional staff that live in college/university residence halls and respond to a wide variety of situations, from mental health to parties, roommate conflicts to floods). The duty rotation works differently in different places, but in this one, a Hall Director was on duty 24 hours a day for a week at a time. The phone could ring literally at any time, and usually it required that you packed up whatever you were doing to go learn more on scene. I knew I was completely and utterly burned out when the phone rang in the middle of the night, and instead of answering immediately, I almost threw it across the room. That's when I started job searching; if I was that burnt out, I was not only doing harm to my own emotions, I was also not able to be fully present for the students. 

It was a whole new world when I found a better fit. 

@Ling Salter - I totally hear you and agree with you: more discussion/disclosure around ​employee wellbeing (and I mean the whole-thing: mental, emotional, physical), would lead to fewer crises. Changing the way we talk about our emotions and how that's perceived is definitely challenging, but not undoable. ​

------------------------------
Stay awesome,
Quinn
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 03-27-2021 17:47
From: Ling Salter
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Hi Lindsay,

I hope that you are OK (asking not just the once, I'll ask again: how are you really feeling)...  Unfortunately many work environments (or places within society even) where people feel comfortable enough to openly discuss or disclose when they are struggling.  It's understandable that people don't necessarily reach out to ask for help or support (you said you didn't approach HR, so perhaps they weren't approachable) and more often than not it's when people struggle to the point that they end up off work that the penny drops for the employer that there's something wrong.  Employers do have a responsibly towards their employees' wellbeing; if more took a proactive approach then this would facilitate more discussion/disclosure perhaps before it develops into a crisis.

You're right to say asking for help or acknowledging the struggle is difficult, however if an organisation takes a supportive approach people may feel more inclined to reach out.  I run my own social enterprise called Compassionate Cuppa, which aims to uplift mental wellbeing for individuals and organisations.  There is an irony though for me as despite what I do, I am at risk of burning out in the pursuit of trying to develop the enterprise (mainly on my own).  When you're employed it's much easier to 'work to rule' as you have time boundaries.  However, when you're self-employed - of course you get to choose when you work etc... The reality is though that many start-ups require an incredible amount of sweat currency, juggling many different roles within the business as well as my life outside of that... Self-care and exercising boundaries are crucial, as your blog attests.

------------------------------
Ling Salter

Original Message:
Sent: 03-26-2021 10:20
From: Lindsay Griswold
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Shameless plug: I recently wrote this blog post about burnout for the Connect by Rotary blog.

March is #socialworkmonth in the US. In true social work fashion, I think it's critical we talk about and give name to "the hard stuff." ​​Asking for help or acknowledging we're struggling is one of the most difficult tasks we can do as human beings, truly.

If you feel comfortable sharing your own story of burnout, here is some space for you to share it. 🌟

Oof, @Quinn Drew, thanks for sharing. On-call work is an intense headspace to be in. I can't imagine doing it 24/7 in the most literal sense of the term.

The only time I find my anxious feelings creeping up these days is when I'm on-call for the rape crisis center where I volunteer. It's just two shifts a month, so it feels manageable, but shifts are 5pm to 8am. Going to sleep those nights is an exercise in itself. Will I get a call as soon as my head hits the pillow, at 3am, or not at all? What if I don't hear my phone ring? ​​What if the caller is someone who I don't have the skills to support? 

Granted, this is volunteer work - I could just stop volunteering. But, the part of me that finds meaning in and the importance of advocacy can't do it.

I do set my limits though - I never volunteer for more than my two shifts a month, and I always ask for help when I need it. Perhaps I've learned a thing or two from that burnout experience after all.

------------------------------
Lindsay Griswold
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 03-29-2021 09:15
From: Quinn Drew
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

@Lindsay Griswold - thank you for sharing your story. I'm so glad you were able to find a better fit!

Here's my burnout story in a nutshell: I used to work as a Hall Director (for those of you who don't know - they're the professional staff that live in college/university residence halls and respond to a wide variety of situations, from mental health to parties, roommate conflicts to floods). The duty rotation works differently in different places, but in this one, a Hall Director was on duty 24 hours a day for a week at a time. The phone could ring literally at any time, and usually it required that you packed up whatever you were doing to go learn more on scene. I knew I was completely and utterly burned out when the phone rang in the middle of the night, and instead of answering immediately, I almost threw it across the room. That's when I started job searching; if I was that burnt out, I was not only doing harm to my own emotions, I was also not able to be fully present for the students. 

It was a whole new world when I found a better fit. 

@Ling Salter - I totally hear you and agree with you: more discussion/disclosure around ​employee wellbeing (and I mean the whole-thing: mental, emotional, physical), would lead to fewer crises. Changing the way we talk about our emotions and how that's perceived is definitely challenging, but not undoable. ​

------------------------------
Stay awesome,
Quinn

Original Message:
Sent: 03-27-2021 17:47
From: Ling Salter
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Hi Lindsay,

I hope that you are OK (asking not just the once, I'll ask again: how are you really feeling)...  Unfortunately many work environments (or places within society even) where people feel comfortable enough to openly discuss or disclose when they are struggling.  It's understandable that people don't necessarily reach out to ask for help or support (you said you didn't approach HR, so perhaps they weren't approachable) and more often than not it's when people struggle to the point that they end up off work that the penny drops for the employer that there's something wrong.  Employers do have a responsibly towards their employees' wellbeing; if more took a proactive approach then this would facilitate more discussion/disclosure perhaps before it develops into a crisis.

You're right to say asking for help or acknowledging the struggle is difficult, however if an organisation takes a supportive approach people may feel more inclined to reach out.  I run my own social enterprise called Compassionate Cuppa, which aims to uplift mental wellbeing for individuals and organisations.  There is an irony though for me as despite what I do, I am at risk of burning out in the pursuit of trying to develop the enterprise (mainly on my own).  When you're employed it's much easier to 'work to rule' as you have time boundaries.  However, when you're self-employed - of course you get to choose when you work etc... The reality is though that many start-ups require an incredible amount of sweat currency, juggling many different roles within the business as well as my life outside of that... Self-care and exercising boundaries are crucial, as your blog attests.

------------------------------
Ling Salter

Original Message:
Sent: 03-26-2021 10:20
From: Lindsay Griswold
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Shameless plug: I recently wrote this blog post about burnout for the Connect by Rotary blog.

March is #socialworkmonth in the US. In true social work fashion, I think it's critical we talk about and give name to "the hard stuff." ​​Asking for help or acknowledging we're struggling is one of the most difficult tasks we can do as human beings, truly.

If you feel comfortable sharing your own story of burnout, here is some space for you to share it. 🌟

Thanks for checking in, @Ling Salter. I can honestly tell you ​​​that I'm still processing my time there, even seven years later. Yesterday, I was on the phone with my work wife from that time (she departed a few years after I did), and we chatted about our time in education, as we always do during our calls. She is the single person who knew how bad it was and drove me home after my first panic attack, aka. my "just a bad day." She alerted me to this tweet, which takes away the onus from the employee and focuses it more on the employer:

Exploitation vs. burnout; now that's some fresh perspective.

She also recently made me aware of this WBEZ article about the past racist policies of the school. So, now I am reflecting on both my feelings of burnout exploitation and unknowingly perpetuating racist policies while an educator there. I can't say it makes a gal feel good, but I'm a firm believer that if we don't acknowledge our past, we can't move forward with our future.

"Sweat equity" is one of my favorite terms. Start ups, self-owned businesses, working with a spouse, etc., require so much of us with so few boundaries. I don't envy you, and hope you are able to find some balance, peace, and joy!

------------------------------
Lindsay Griswold
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 03-27-2021 17:47
From: Ling Salter
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Hi Lindsay,

I hope that you are OK (asking not just the once, I'll ask again: how are you really feeling)...  Unfortunately many work environments (or places within society even) where people feel comfortable enough to openly discuss or disclose when they are struggling.  It's understandable that people don't necessarily reach out to ask for help or support (you said you didn't approach HR, so perhaps they weren't approachable) and more often than not it's when people struggle to the point that they end up off work that the penny drops for the employer that there's something wrong.  Employers do have a responsibly towards their employees' wellbeing; if more took a proactive approach then this would facilitate more discussion/disclosure perhaps before it develops into a crisis.

You're right to say asking for help or acknowledging the struggle is difficult, however if an organisation takes a supportive approach people may feel more inclined to reach out.  I run my own social enterprise called Compassionate Cuppa, which aims to uplift mental wellbeing for individuals and organisations.  There is an irony though for me as despite what I do, I am at risk of burning out in the pursuit of trying to develop the enterprise (mainly on my own).  When you're employed it's much easier to 'work to rule' as you have time boundaries.  However, when you're self-employed - of course you get to choose when you work etc... The reality is though that many start-ups require an incredible amount of sweat currency, juggling many different roles within the business as well as my life outside of that... Self-care and exercising boundaries are crucial, as your blog attests.

------------------------------
Ling Salter

Original Message:
Sent: 03-26-2021 10:20
From: Lindsay Griswold
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Shameless plug: I recently wrote this blog post about burnout for the Connect by Rotary blog.

March is #socialworkmonth in the US. In true social work fashion, I think it's critical we talk about and give name to "the hard stuff." ​​Asking for help or acknowledging we're struggling is one of the most difficult tasks we can do as human beings, truly.

If you feel comfortable sharing your own story of burnout, here is some space for you to share it. 🌟

Thanks, Lindsay, 

Burnout comes in many different forms. For me, I was working retail as a service manager in a high-end stereo store. My job was running the service shop, managing the staff (all men, all highly skilled technicians), keeping the shop stocked with tools, parts, manuals, etc.  More important perhaps, was the role of  "face of the service department." I was the public liaison between people with expensive broken toys (stereos) and the technicians who fixed them, like an ER doctor having to deliver news, both bad and good ("I'm sorry, you blew up your amplifier and it's not under warranty." or "It's a quick fix,  you can pick it up in 3 hours). I was very good at managing the people side of things, putting myself between the technician and the customer, absorbing both the vitriol and passing along the praise.

I knew I was burned out when I found it more and more difficult to be civil to our customers. I lost my empathy for them and bit my tongue every time another frat boy turned up with blown out speakers because they turned it up way farther than 11.

I quit outright, without another job lined up because it wasn't fair to jeopardize my boss's business because I had run out of steam. That was a foundational job for me, one where I learned and grew in leaps and bounds. It was sad to leave.

I think the salient point here is that the cue for me to leave was losing empathy.  I stopped caring about my customers. That comes out in @Quinn Drew's burnout, too, I think.

I haven't thought about this in a long time. Thanks for asking.​​

------------------------------
Colette Martin-Wilde
Basement office suite
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 03-26-2021 10:20
From: Lindsay Griswold
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Shameless plug: I recently wrote this blog post about burnout for the Connect by Rotary blog.

March is #socialworkmonth in the US. In true social work fashion, I think it's critical we talk about and give name to "the hard stuff." ​​Asking for help or acknowledging we're struggling is one of the most difficult tasks we can do as human beings, truly.

If you feel comfortable sharing your own story of burnout, here is some space for you to share it. 🌟

@Colette Martin-Wilde, thanks for sharing your experience. The loss of empathy is such an obvious sign of burnout, but I feel like it's easier to see in others than it is to see in ourselves. I remember the first time I said "hey dummy" about a student out loud to another teacher (actually, the co-founder of the school) instead of to myself. The look on her face is absolutely ingrained in my memory to this day; she was so horrified that her jaw dropped. Here I was, a person who gave every student I worked with unconditional positive regard, and now I was calling them a dummy? YIKES. Name-calling a student is something you just do not do.

Seeing my lack of empathy immediately reflected in her reaction did me in. The fact she was also my mentor probably also contributed to the severe shame I felt afterward and made the awful thing I said hit home more immediately than if I had said it to someone else.​

I started job searching soon thereafter. Like you with your boss, I couldn't continue jeopardizing the school my mentor helped build, the learning environment of the students I did in fact care about, and most importantly, my own morals and sense of integrity, for a paycheck.

------------------------------
Lindsay Griswold
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 03-30-2021 08:21
From: Colette Martin-Wilde
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Thanks, Lindsay, 

Burnout comes in many different forms. For me, I was working retail as a service manager in a high-end stereo store. My job was running the service shop, managing the staff (all men, all highly skilled technicians), keeping the shop stocked with tools, parts, manuals, etc.  More important perhaps, was the role of  "face of the service department." I was the public liaison between people with expensive broken toys (stereos) and the technicians who fixed them, like an ER doctor having to deliver news, both bad and good ("I'm sorry, you blew up your amplifier and it's not under warranty." or "It's a quick fix,  you can pick it up in 3 hours). I was very good at managing the people side of things, putting myself between the technician and the customer, absorbing both the vitriol and passing along the praise.

I knew I was burned out when I found it more and more difficult to be civil to our customers. I lost my empathy for them and bit my tongue every time another frat boy turned up with blown out speakers because they turned it up way farther than 11.

I quit outright, without another job lined up because it wasn't fair to jeopardize my boss's business because I had run out of steam. That was a foundational job for me, one where I learned and grew in leaps and bounds. It was sad to leave.

I think the salient point here is that the cue for me to leave was losing empathy.  I stopped caring about my customers. That comes out in @Quinn Drew's burnout, too, I think.

I haven't thought about this in a long time. Thanks for asking.​​

------------------------------
Colette Martin-Wilde
Basement office suite

Original Message:
Sent: 03-26-2021 10:20
From: Lindsay Griswold
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Shameless plug: I recently wrote this blog post about burnout for the Connect by Rotary blog.

March is #socialworkmonth in the US. In true social work fashion, I think it's critical we talk about and give name to "the hard stuff." ​​Asking for help or acknowledging we're struggling is one of the most difficult tasks we can do as human beings, truly.

If you feel comfortable sharing your own story of burnout, here is some space for you to share it. 🌟

@Lindsay Griswold That tweet is a fresh perspective that really needs some amplification because as you rightly point out, it shifts the perspective to the employers' weaknesses that fuel burnout as opposed to the employee's deficiency to cope.  It may be, though, that some positions have a time limit on them because they are too hard on people in all the ways mentioned in this thread.

One of the questions I ask prospective employers is "What's the average of time someone spends in this position before they make a change?" That's one clue.  

Sticking to your values can be difficult, but can never be misplaced. 

Have a great weekend and Happy Easter - the spirit of renewal and fresh beginnings!

------------------------------
Colette Martin-Wilde
Basement office suite
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-02-2021 15:15
From: Lindsay Griswold
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

@Colette Martin-Wilde, thanks for sharing your experience. The loss of empathy is such an obvious sign of burnout, but I feel like it's easier to see in others than it is to see in ourselves. I remember the first time I said "hey dummy" about a student out loud to another teacher (actually, the co-founder of the school) instead of to myself. The look on her face is absolutely ingrained in my memory to this day; she was so horrified that her jaw dropped. Here I was, a person who gave every student I worked with unconditional positive regard, and now I was calling them a dummy? YIKES. Name-calling a student is something you just do not do.

Seeing my lack of empathy immediately reflected in her reaction did me in. The fact she was also my mentor probably also contributed to the severe shame I felt afterward and made the awful thing I said hit home more immediately than if I had said it to someone else.​

I started job searching soon thereafter. Like you with your boss, I couldn't continue jeopardizing the school my mentor helped build, the learning environment of the students I did in fact care about, and most importantly, my own morals and sense of integrity, for a paycheck.

------------------------------
Lindsay Griswold

Original Message:
Sent: 03-30-2021 08:21
From: Colette Martin-Wilde
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Thanks, Lindsay, 

Burnout comes in many different forms. For me, I was working retail as a service manager in a high-end stereo store. My job was running the service shop, managing the staff (all men, all highly skilled technicians), keeping the shop stocked with tools, parts, manuals, etc.  More important perhaps, was the role of  "face of the service department." I was the public liaison between people with expensive broken toys (stereos) and the technicians who fixed them, like an ER doctor having to deliver news, both bad and good ("I'm sorry, you blew up your amplifier and it's not under warranty." or "It's a quick fix,  you can pick it up in 3 hours). I was very good at managing the people side of things, putting myself between the technician and the customer, absorbing both the vitriol and passing along the praise.

I knew I was burned out when I found it more and more difficult to be civil to our customers. I lost my empathy for them and bit my tongue every time another frat boy turned up with blown out speakers because they turned it up way farther than 11.

I quit outright, without another job lined up because it wasn't fair to jeopardize my boss's business because I had run out of steam. That was a foundational job for me, one where I learned and grew in leaps and bounds. It was sad to leave.

I think the salient point here is that the cue for me to leave was losing empathy.  I stopped caring about my customers. That comes out in @Quinn Drew's burnout, too, I think.

I haven't thought about this in a long time. Thanks for asking.​​

------------------------------
Colette Martin-Wilde
Basement office suite

Original Message:
Sent: 03-26-2021 10:20
From: Lindsay Griswold
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Shameless plug: I recently wrote this blog post about burnout for the Connect by Rotary blog.

March is #socialworkmonth in the US. In true social work fashion, I think it's critical we talk about and give name to "the hard stuff." ​​Asking for help or acknowledging we're struggling is one of the most difficult tasks we can do as human beings, truly.

If you feel comfortable sharing your own story of burnout, here is some space for you to share it. 🌟

@Colette Martin-Wilde - I also like that question because it gives a general sense of upward mobility within an organization as well. Thanks for putting it on my radar! ​

------------------------------
Stay awesome,
Quinn
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-02-2021 15:42
From: Colette Martin-Wilde
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

@Lindsay Griswold That tweet is a fresh perspective that really needs some amplification because as you rightly point out, it shifts the perspective to the employers' weaknesses that fuel burnout as opposed to the employee's deficiency to cope.  It may be, though, that some positions have a time limit on them because they are too hard on people in all the ways mentioned in this thread.

One of the questions I ask prospective employers is "What's the average of time someone spends in this position before they make a change?" That's one clue.  

Sticking to your values can be difficult, but can never be misplaced. 

Have a great weekend and Happy Easter - the spirit of renewal and fresh beginnings!

------------------------------
Colette Martin-Wilde
Basement office suite

Original Message:
Sent: 04-02-2021 15:15
From: Lindsay Griswold
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

@Colette Martin-Wilde, thanks for sharing your experience. The loss of empathy is such an obvious sign of burnout, but I feel like it's easier to see in others than it is to see in ourselves. I remember the first time I said "hey dummy" about a student out loud to another teacher (actually, the co-founder of the school) instead of to myself. The look on her face is absolutely ingrained in my memory to this day; she was so horrified that her jaw dropped. Here I was, a person who gave every student I worked with unconditional positive regard, and now I was calling them a dummy? YIKES. Name-calling a student is something you just do not do.

Seeing my lack of empathy immediately reflected in her reaction did me in. The fact she was also my mentor probably also contributed to the severe shame I felt afterward and made the awful thing I said hit home more immediately than if I had said it to someone else.​

I started job searching soon thereafter. Like you with your boss, I couldn't continue jeopardizing the school my mentor helped build, the learning environment of the students I did in fact care about, and most importantly, my own morals and sense of integrity, for a paycheck.

------------------------------
Lindsay Griswold

Original Message:
Sent: 03-30-2021 08:21
From: Colette Martin-Wilde
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Thanks, Lindsay, 

Burnout comes in many different forms. For me, I was working retail as a service manager in a high-end stereo store. My job was running the service shop, managing the staff (all men, all highly skilled technicians), keeping the shop stocked with tools, parts, manuals, etc.  More important perhaps, was the role of  "face of the service department." I was the public liaison between people with expensive broken toys (stereos) and the technicians who fixed them, like an ER doctor having to deliver news, both bad and good ("I'm sorry, you blew up your amplifier and it's not under warranty." or "It's a quick fix,  you can pick it up in 3 hours). I was very good at managing the people side of things, putting myself between the technician and the customer, absorbing both the vitriol and passing along the praise.

I knew I was burned out when I found it more and more difficult to be civil to our customers. I lost my empathy for them and bit my tongue every time another frat boy turned up with blown out speakers because they turned it up way farther than 11.

I quit outright, without another job lined up because it wasn't fair to jeopardize my boss's business because I had run out of steam. That was a foundational job for me, one where I learned and grew in leaps and bounds. It was sad to leave.

I think the salient point here is that the cue for me to leave was losing empathy.  I stopped caring about my customers. That comes out in @Quinn Drew's burnout, too, I think.

I haven't thought about this in a long time. Thanks for asking.​​

------------------------------
Colette Martin-Wilde
Basement office suite

Original Message:
Sent: 03-26-2021 10:20
From: Lindsay Griswold
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Shameless plug: I recently wrote this blog post about burnout for the Connect by Rotary blog.

March is #socialworkmonth in the US. In true social work fashion, I think it's critical we talk about and give name to "the hard stuff." ​​Asking for help or acknowledging we're struggling is one of the most difficult tasks we can do as human beings, truly.

If you feel comfortable sharing your own story of burnout, here is some space for you to share it. 🌟

@Lindsay Griswold - agreed, the loss of empathy can be a sign of burnout, which is what compassion fatigue can be as well.  I wrote about compassion fatigue in one of my blogs under Compassionate Cuppa.  Unfortunately my website is going through a migration, so isn't back online yet but I will try to remember to post the link to the blog when it's back up.  Compassion fatigue happens when you are constantly overloaded with different traumas (from your work situation) yet you've not had a chance to process the 'initial adverse event' before having to move on to the next.  Compassion fatigue is particularly common in acute altruistic settings - initially coined from nurses experiencing this from dealing with critical care situations.  

Certainly from what @Quinn Drew and @Colette Martin-Wilde describe in their situations, whether it's burnout/compassion fatigue employers definitely have a responsibility to ensure that their staff are supported, because it isn't about an employee's inability to cope... Workplace stress like any other 'risk' in a business or organisation needs to be managed.  Unfortunately, not many organisations are putting in place those tools are talking workplace wellbeing seriously.... Which does result unfortunately with many people either becoming very unwell or leaving their jobs.

My joy does come from being able to help people move forward in their lives, by uplifting their mental wellbeing.  While I am passionate, I know that I am still very much learning how to run a start-up social enterprise.  My skills in marketing are less refined than my knowledge and skill around wellbeing!  I truly believe that cultivating more compassion for others as well as ourselves is like a superpower, that can help heal and change the world.  I hope that a few here can share and support this vision with me.

​​​

------------------------------
Ling Salter
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-02-2021 15:15
From: Lindsay Griswold
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

@Colette Martin-Wilde, thanks for sharing your experience. The loss of empathy is such an obvious sign of burnout, but I feel like it's easier to see in others than it is to see in ourselves. I remember the first time I said "hey dummy" about a student out loud to another teacher (actually, the co-founder of the school) instead of to myself. The look on her face is absolutely ingrained in my memory to this day; she was so horrified that her jaw dropped. Here I was, a person who gave every student I worked with unconditional positive regard, and now I was calling them a dummy? YIKES. Name-calling a student is something you just do not do.

Seeing my lack of empathy immediately reflected in her reaction did me in. The fact she was also my mentor probably also contributed to the severe shame I felt afterward and made the awful thing I said hit home more immediately than if I had said it to someone else.​

I started job searching soon thereafter. Like you with your boss, I couldn't continue jeopardizing the school my mentor helped build, the learning environment of the students I did in fact care about, and most importantly, my own morals and sense of integrity, for a paycheck.

------------------------------
Lindsay Griswold

Original Message:
Sent: 03-30-2021 08:21
From: Colette Martin-Wilde
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Thanks, Lindsay, 

Burnout comes in many different forms. For me, I was working retail as a service manager in a high-end stereo store. My job was running the service shop, managing the staff (all men, all highly skilled technicians), keeping the shop stocked with tools, parts, manuals, etc.  More important perhaps, was the role of  "face of the service department." I was the public liaison between people with expensive broken toys (stereos) and the technicians who fixed them, like an ER doctor having to deliver news, both bad and good ("I'm sorry, you blew up your amplifier and it's not under warranty." or "It's a quick fix,  you can pick it up in 3 hours). I was very good at managing the people side of things, putting myself between the technician and the customer, absorbing both the vitriol and passing along the praise.

I knew I was burned out when I found it more and more difficult to be civil to our customers. I lost my empathy for them and bit my tongue every time another frat boy turned up with blown out speakers because they turned it up way farther than 11.

I quit outright, without another job lined up because it wasn't fair to jeopardize my boss's business because I had run out of steam. That was a foundational job for me, one where I learned and grew in leaps and bounds. It was sad to leave.

I think the salient point here is that the cue for me to leave was losing empathy.  I stopped caring about my customers. That comes out in @Quinn Drew's burnout, too, I think.

I haven't thought about this in a long time. Thanks for asking.​​

------------------------------
Colette Martin-Wilde
Basement office suite

Original Message:
Sent: 03-26-2021 10:20
From: Lindsay Griswold
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Shameless plug: I recently wrote this blog post about burnout for the Connect by Rotary blog.

March is #socialworkmonth in the US. In true social work fashion, I think it's critical we talk about and give name to "the hard stuff." ​​Asking for help or acknowledging we're struggling is one of the most difficult tasks we can do as human beings, truly.

If you feel comfortable sharing your own story of burnout, here is some space for you to share it. 🌟

I'm digging this conversation as it wraps several nuanced spheres into one: The Do What You Love myth, the power of language and semantics (exploitation vs burnout), our sense of humanity (empathy), and the 3 reasons people love or don't love their jobs (hours, wages, working conditions--thanks, IWW). 

Me? I adore teaching, mentoring, curriculum building, leading trainings. I used to think this meant I was going to be a college writing instructor for a long, long time. I started teaching college writing at the end of graduate school, the same semester I started on my graduate thesis in earnest and my last few months of being 23 years old. You can say it: I was so very young and so very naive. 

My burnout teaching composition wasn't, as many have described, a burnout in empathy. Although, I completely understand that kind. It was a long overdue realization that no matter how hard I worked or how long, I wasn't going to be able to have the work/life balance or wages or benefits I wanted. UNLESS: Unless I stopped working in the field, or went to back to grad school to spend more money, more years, toiling over research and writing books (plural), in hopes of one day landing a tenure track job, where I wouldn't be forced to teach 5 full-capacity writing classes each semester and at least two in the summer and one over winter break in order to make ends meat.

I either had to change how I taught--which wasn't going to happen (I mean, I was always revising and looking for more ways to be efficient, but I wasn't going to stop spending time with each individual assignment and working with each individual student on their own specific writing path).  OR, I had find a way out. And let me tell you: switching careers, trying to move out of the education industry was ultimately something that I tried to do for three years, and in the end, still failed at. I got first, second, and even third interviews with several downtown, skyscraper, companies and start ups. But in the end, I was never first choice. Someone always had a more traditional path to the job I was looking for. I got burned out just trying to show people transferable skills-but the hiring scene is a whole other convo. I taught for about 12 years. I was full time (not adjunct) for the last 5. And for the last 2, I had moved into a half admin/half teaching--which helped the burnout, but still demanded way too much of me and gave way too little back in terms of compensation. Plus, there was no where UP to go from there. I had to get out. So in my case, burnout was something I understood ruled my life for many years, but I just kept trying to work within the parameters I was given. I think this a common issue. We keep trying to fix things ourselves, when in actuality, it wasn't ever an 'us' problem. Worker to the system: It's not me, baby, it's you. 

Now, I'm back working at a non-profit, for a capital-u University, and loving it. I'm not in the classroom, but I'm in my field, I'm getting to learn, to teach, to mentor, and to lead. The system is still messed up for adjuncts and for non-tenure track FT workers. In fact I've had other FT non-teaching jobs at universities where I burned out in a matter of months due to the aforementioned drag of too much give and not enough get. But, for now, I am lucky that I've found a position that FITS all of my life, where I feel comfortable taking a personal day or mentioning that I'm feeling stressed about a project. 

I know there's a take away in here somewhere. I hope you find it. For me, right now, it's simply that it may not be millennials per se, but the way capitalist business has evolved from the 80s-->90s-->00s-->today that is perhaps the real common thread for examination. In my mind, this seems like something Ling Slater might agree with.
​
Thank you Connecters, for the original blog post and keeping the conversation so real​ and so relevant.​

------------------------------
-Nick
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 03-26-2021 10:20
From: Lindsay Griswold
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Shameless plug: I recently wrote this blog post about burnout for the Connect by Rotary blog.

March is #socialworkmonth in the US. In true social work fashion, I think it's critical we talk about and give name to "the hard stuff." ​​Asking for help or acknowledging we're struggling is one of the most difficult tasks we can do as human beings, truly.

If you feel comfortable sharing your own story of burnout, here is some space for you to do so. 🌟

Loved this, @Nick Kapling thanks for sharing your perspective! It's fun to think back on our 23-year-old doe-eyed selves, isn't it? I'm sure a later version of me will think back on her current 37-year-old self and feel just as silly.

The DWYL myth is an interesting concept. Ultimately, I loved working with and protecting students, but not in the traditional school setting, especially in such a rigorous college preparatory school. Realizing that I could still find ways to work with youth, through a career and later volunteering, helped me keep my "calling" - or my "dharma" (purpose) if we want to go the yoga route - in focus and see I could still DWIL but in a different, less exploitative setting. It sounds like you were able to find the same transition, and for that, I am glad.

------------------------------
Lindsay Griswold
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-06-2021 11:32
From: Nick Tryling
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

I'm digging this conversation as it wraps several nuanced spheres into one: The Do What You Love myth, the power of language and semantics (exploitation vs burnout), our sense of humanity (empathy), and the 3 reasons people love or don't love their jobs (hours, wages, working conditions--thanks, IWW). 

Me? I adore teaching, mentoring, curriculum building, leading trainings. I used to think this meant I was going to be a college writing instructor for a long, long time. I started teaching college writing at the end of graduate school, the same semester I started on my graduate thesis in earnest and my last few months of being 23 years old. You can say it: I was so very young and so very naive. 

My burnout teaching composition wasn't, as many have described, a burnout in empathy. Although, I completely understand that kind. It was a long overdue realization that no matter how hard I worked or how long, I wasn't going to be able to have the work/life balance or wages or benefits I wanted. UNLESS: Unless I stopped working in the field, or went to back to grad school to spend more money, more years, toiling over research and writing books (plural), in hopes of one day landing a tenure track job, where I wouldn't be forced to teach 5 full-capacity writing classes each semester and at least two in the summer and one over winter break in order to make ends meat.

I either had to change how I taught--which wasn't going to happen (I mean, I was always revising and looking for more ways to be efficient, but I wasn't going to stop spending time with each individual assignment and working with each individual student on their own specific writing path).  OR, I had find a way out. And let me tell you: switching careers, trying to move out of the education industry was ultimately something that I tried to do for three years, and in the end, still failed at. I got first, second, and even third interviews with several downtown, skyscraper, companies and start ups. But in the end, I was never first choice. Someone always had a more traditional path to the job I was looking for. I got burned out just trying to show people transferable skills-but the hiring scene is a whole other convo. I taught for about 12 years. I was full time (not adjunct) for the last 5. And for the last 2, I had moved into a half admin/half teaching--which helped the burnout, but still demanded way too much of me and gave way too little back in terms of compensation. Plus, there was no where UP to go from there. I had to get out. So in my case, burnout was something I understood ruled my life for many years, but I just kept trying to work within the parameters I was given. I think this a common issue. We keep trying to fix things ourselves, when in actuality, it wasn't ever an 'us' problem. Worker to the system: It's not me, baby, it's you. 

Now, I'm back working at a non-profit, for a capital-u University, and loving it. I'm not in the classroom, but I'm in my field, I'm getting to learn, to teach, to mentor, and to lead. The system is still messed up for adjuncts and for non-tenure track FT workers. In fact I've had other FT non-teaching jobs at universities where I burned out in a matter of months due to the aforementioned drag of too much give and not enough get. But, for now, I am lucky that I've found a position that FITS all of my life, where I feel comfortable taking a personal day or mentioning that I'm feeling stressed about a project. 

I know there's a take away in here somewhere. I hope you find it. For me, right now, it's simply that it may not be millennials per se, but the way capitalist business has evolved from the 80s-->90s-->00s-->today that is perhaps the real common thread for examination. In my mind, this seems like something Ling Slater might agree with.
​
Thank you Connecters, for the original blog post and keeping the conversation so real​ and so relevant.​

------------------------------
-Nick

Original Message:
Sent: 03-26-2021 10:20
From: Lindsay Griswold
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Shameless plug: I recently wrote this blog post about burnout for the Connect by Rotary blog.

March is #socialworkmonth in the US. In true social work fashion, I think it's critical we talk about and give name to "the hard stuff." ​​Asking for help or acknowledging we're struggling is one of the most difficult tasks we can do as human beings, truly.

If you feel comfortable sharing your own story of burnout, here is some space for you to do so. 🌟​​

@Nick Kapling, when you say: "I know there's a take away in here somewhere. I hope you find it," it reminds me that every story provides an opportunity for each reader to learn (or re-learn) something, and that there's a good chance it'll be slightly different for every person. I appreciate that reminder: thank you. And I think I'd like this on a coffee mug: 

We keep trying to fix things ourselves, when in actuality, it wasn't ever an 'us' problem. Worker to the system: It's not me, baby, it's you. 

I hear you, here. The burnout during a job search because you're feeling burned out in your current job is like an extra smack in the face. Kudos to you for pushing through it and finding, eventually, a really great fit. 

@Lindsay Griswold - I love that you are finding ways to keep your calling/dharma present in your life, even if not through your primary job. That's really rad. We've been talking a little more about skills-based volunteering on Connect recently - trying to learn more and dig in. I think the concept is so great, but I'm having trouble finding the energy at the end of a long day to consider "switching gears" into a volunteer role. Maybe post-pandemic-world-me will be better about that?

​

------------------------------
Stay awesome,
Quinn
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-06-2021 11:32
From: Nick Tryling
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

I'm digging this conversation as it wraps several nuanced spheres into one: The Do What You Love myth, the power of language and semantics (exploitation vs burnout), our sense of humanity (empathy), and the 3 reasons people love or don't love their jobs (hours, wages, working conditions--thanks, IWW). 

Me? I adore teaching, mentoring, curriculum building, leading trainings. I used to think this meant I was going to be a college writing instructor for a long, long time. I started teaching college writing at the end of graduate school, the same semester I started on my graduate thesis in earnest and my last few months of being 23 years old. You can say it: I was so very young and so very naive. 

My burnout teaching composition wasn't, as many have described, a burnout in empathy. Although, I completely understand that kind. It was a long overdue realization that no matter how hard I worked or how long, I wasn't going to be able to have the work/life balance or wages or benefits I wanted. UNLESS: Unless I stopped working in the field, or went to back to grad school to spend more money, more years, toiling over research and writing books (plural), in hopes of one day landing a tenure track job, where I wouldn't be forced to teach 5 full-capacity writing classes each semester and at least two in the summer and one over winter break in order to make ends meat.

I either had to change how I taught--which wasn't going to happen (I mean, I was always revising and looking for more ways to be efficient, but I wasn't going to stop spending time with each individual assignment and working with each individual student on their own specific writing path).  OR, I had find a way out. And let me tell you: switching careers, trying to move out of the education industry was ultimately something that I tried to do for three years, and in the end, still failed at. I got first, second, and even third interviews with several downtown, skyscraper, companies and start ups. But in the end, I was never first choice. Someone always had a more traditional path to the job I was looking for. I got burned out just trying to show people transferable skills-but the hiring scene is a whole other convo. I taught for about 12 years. I was full time (not adjunct) for the last 5. And for the last 2, I had moved into a half admin/half teaching--which helped the burnout, but still demanded way too much of me and gave way too little back in terms of compensation. Plus, there was no where UP to go from there. I had to get out. So in my case, burnout was something I understood ruled my life for many years, but I just kept trying to work within the parameters I was given. I think this a common issue. We keep trying to fix things ourselves, when in actuality, it wasn't ever an 'us' problem. Worker to the system: It's not me, baby, it's you. 

Now, I'm back working at a non-profit, for a capital-u University, and loving it. I'm not in the classroom, but I'm in my field, I'm getting to learn, to teach, to mentor, and to lead. The system is still messed up for adjuncts and for non-tenure track FT workers. In fact I've had other FT non-teaching jobs at universities where I burned out in a matter of months due to the aforementioned drag of too much give and not enough get. But, for now, I am lucky that I've found a position that FITS all of my life, where I feel comfortable taking a personal day or mentioning that I'm feeling stressed about a project. 

I know there's a take away in here somewhere. I hope you find it. For me, right now, it's simply that it may not be millennials per se, but the way capitalist business has evolved from the 80s-->90s-->00s-->today that is perhaps the real common thread for examination. In my mind, this seems like something Ling Slater might agree with.
​
Thank you Connecters, for the original blog post and keeping the conversation so real​ and so relevant.​

------------------------------
-Nick

Original Message:
Sent: 03-26-2021 10:20
From: Lindsay Griswold
Subject: "It's better to burn out, than to fade away." No, Neil, you're wrong.

Shameless plug: I recently wrote this blog post about burnout for the Connect by Rotary blog.

March is #socialworkmonth in the US. In true social work fashion, I think it's critical we talk about and give name to "the hard stuff." ​​Asking for help or acknowledging we're struggling is one of the most difficult tasks we can do as human beings, truly.

If you feel comfortable sharing your own story of burnout, here is some space for you to do so. 🌟