Professional Development Forum

I suspect just about all of us have been in a job interview, or had an important phone interview, and heard that voice in the back of our head telling us that we are blowing it.  Confidence is such a key quality to possess,  yet that inner critic threatens to erode it, and stand in the way to professional and personal growth. In a recent blog post,  I share some reflections on my own struggle with this inner enemy, and what a few experts have said about combatting it. I'd love to kindle a discussion here. When do you hear your inner critic, and what strategies have you developed to counter it?

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Arnold Grahl
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@Arnie Grahl - thank you for sharing this perspective. While I'm not thrilled that either of us have such harsh inner critics, I'm glad to read I'm not alone in fighting these battles against myself. I like the advice of looking at it from an outside perspective, because if I heard someone else say "this is garbage," I'd be quick to defend at least parts that were good, and I'd ask for better feedback: what do you mean, "garbage?" -- whereas if it's truly my inner critic, I'm more likely to think, "yep, you're right. There's nothing salvageable here. Better start over."  

If I ever vocalize these thoughts aloud, I think of my friend Lee Ann Searight, who responds, "don't you talk about my friend Quinn that way." 

One last thought here - I also really like the idea of taking a break to come back later with (hopefully) a fresh perspective. A short example: I really like playing around in Canva to create images/memes/gifs etc. But sometimes the number of choices can be overwhelming for me. When I find myself in a rabbit hole of making small changes and adjustments over and over and never quite feeling like they're "done" or "good enough," I'll move over to a different project - or if I can, I'll physically change locations for a bit and then come back to my Canva project. Usually that's enough to refocus on the broader project, and not be consumed by so many details. 
​​​

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Stay awesome,
Quinn
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Original Message:
Sent: 09-20-2021 16:22
From: Arnold Grahl
Subject: Silencing our inner critic

I suspect just about all of us have been in a job interview, or had an important phone interview, and heard that voice in the back of our head telling us that we are blowing it.  Confidence is such a key quality to possess,  yet that inner critic threatens to erode it, and stand in the way to professional and personal growth. In a recent blog post,  I share some reflections on my own struggle with this inner enemy, and what a few experts have said about combatting it. I'd love to kindle a discussion here. When do you hear your inner critic, and what strategies have you developed to counter it?

------------------------------
Arnold Grahl
------------------------------

@Arnie Grahl, this reminds me of one of my friends who tells me that the critical committee in my head isn't paying rent and I need to kick them out of there! Thanks for the great blog post, it's nice to know there are others (like, everyone?) who wrestle with their own inner critical committee.​

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Maria Liccardo
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Original Message:
Sent: 09-20-2021 16:22
From: Arnold Grahl
Subject: Silencing our inner critic

I suspect just about all of us have been in a job interview, or had an important phone interview, and heard that voice in the back of our head telling us that we are blowing it.  Confidence is such a key quality to possess,  yet that inner critic threatens to erode it, and stand in the way to professional and personal growth. In a recent blog post,  I share some reflections on my own struggle with this inner enemy, and what a few experts have said about combatting it. I'd love to kindle a discussion here. When do you hear your inner critic, and what strategies have you developed to counter it?

------------------------------
Arnold Grahl
------------------------------

Thanks @Arnie Grahl.  This is something that so many of us are familiar with. Beyond the parental conditioning, I've come to notice that there is continuous, insipid reinforcement of that conditioning ever-present, ever-persistent, everywhere.  No  amount of self-care, reimagining, or courage is enough to eliminate that.  To me, that's a "condition of doing business," a state that exists and needs to be managed to a point of being able to transcend or not care.   My go-to strategy is to accept the critic's point - regardless of the source - ask the question, "Is it true?" and then deconstruct it until it's lost its power.  It's a bit tedious at times, but I have a very negative, busy brain and this approach helps a lot.

A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend  that touched on this condition of never seeming to be able to satisfy the "critics", whether they are in my head or external.  He said, "There's freedom in always being wrong; go with that" ​ This has been the most intriguing idea to explore.  I've found it to be liberating and elevating.  It doesn't entirely silence the "critics" either in my head or external ones, but it has diminished their importance and rendered them surprisingly irrelevant.  It's a good shortcut.  "Of course I'm wrong... but  not really, and it  doesn't matter, does it?"

Would be interested how others react to "There's freedom is always being wrong."
​

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CMW
Colette Martin-Wilde
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Original Message:
Sent: 09-20-2021 16:22
From: Arnold Grahl
Subject: Silencing our inner critic

I suspect just about all of us have been in a job interview, or had an important phone interview, and heard that voice in the back of our head telling us that we are blowing it.  Confidence is such a key quality to possess,  yet that inner critic threatens to erode it, and stand in the way to professional and personal growth. In a recent blog post,  I share some reflections on my own struggle with this inner enemy, and what a few experts have said about combatting it. I'd love to kindle a discussion here. When do you hear your inner critic, and what strategies have you developed to counter it?

------------------------------
Arnold Grahl
------------------------------

I think there's a lot of power in that approach @Colette Martin-Wilde. After all, we can only do our best, right? And we'll never get the perfection that our critic (and sometimes others) seems to want. So much of it never seems to matter, especially as time passes.

------------------------------
Arnold Grahl
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 10-01-2021 10:36
From: Colette Martin-Wilde
Subject: Silencing our inner critic

Thanks @Arnie Grahl.  This is something that so many of us are familiar with. Beyond the parental conditioning, I've come to notice that there is continuous, insipid reinforcement of that conditioning ever-present, ever-persistent, everywhere.  No  amount of self-care, reimagining, or courage is enough to eliminate that.  To me, that's a "condition of doing business," a state that exists and needs to be managed to a point of being able to transcend or not care.   My go-to strategy is to accept the critic's point - regardless of the source - ask the question, "Is it true?" and then deconstruct it until it's lost its power.  It's a bit tedious at times, but I have a very negative, busy brain and this approach helps a lot.

A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend  that touched on this condition of never seeming to be able to satisfy the "critics", whether they are in my head or external.  He said, "There's freedom in always being wrong; go with that" ​ This has been the most intriguing idea to explore.  I've found it to be liberating and elevating.  It doesn't entirely silence the "critics" either in my head or external ones, but it has diminished their importance and rendered them surprisingly irrelevant.  It's a good shortcut.  "Of course I'm wrong... but  not really, and it  doesn't matter, does it?"

Would be interested how others react to "There's freedom is always being wrong."
​

------------------------------
CMW
Colette Martin-Wilde

Original Message:
Sent: 09-20-2021 16:22
From: Arnold Grahl
Subject: Silencing our inner critic

I suspect just about all of us have been in a job interview, or had an important phone interview, and heard that voice in the back of our head telling us that we are blowing it.  Confidence is such a key quality to possess,  yet that inner critic threatens to erode it, and stand in the way to professional and personal growth. In a recent blog post,  I share some reflections on my own struggle with this inner enemy, and what a few experts have said about combatting it. I'd love to kindle a discussion here. When do you hear your inner critic, and what strategies have you developed to counter it?

------------------------------
Arnold Grahl
------------------------------
​

@Colette Martin-Wilde @Arnie Grahl I spent a few minutes meditating this morning and, as usual, my mind wandered all over the place (even with a guided meditation!)​​ and I thought about this inner critic discussion.

If everyone has this inner critic that is so annoying and potentially hurtful, WHY? Maybe it's an evolutionary thing so that our minds are constantly nagging us to "do better," which could be a very helpful trait for survival. Maybe it's evolved a little too far at this point!

But having that lens helped me this morning--the inner critic may be hard-wired in my brain and is intended to be helpful for me to survive. With that perspective, I can thank that critic for trying to keep me safe, dismiss the criticism if it's unwarranted, and do my best to move on.

------------------------------
Maria Liccardo
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 10-01-2021 10:36
From: Colette Martin-Wilde
Subject: Silencing our inner critic

Thanks @Arnie Grahl.  This is something that so many of us are familiar with. Beyond the parental conditioning, I've come to notice that there is continuous, insipid reinforcement of that conditioning ever-present, ever-persistent, everywhere.  No  amount of self-care, reimagining, or courage is enough to eliminate that.  To me, that's a "condition of doing business," a state that exists and needs to be managed to a point of being able to transcend or not care.   My go-to strategy is to accept the critic's point - regardless of the source - ask the question, "Is it true?" and then deconstruct it until it's lost its power.  It's a bit tedious at times, but I have a very negative, busy brain and this approach helps a lot.

A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend  that touched on this condition of never seeming to be able to satisfy the "critics", whether they are in my head or external.  He said, "There's freedom in always being wrong; go with that" ​ This has been the most intriguing idea to explore.  I've found it to be liberating and elevating.  It doesn't entirely silence the "critics" either in my head or external ones, but it has diminished their importance and rendered them surprisingly irrelevant.  It's a good shortcut.  "Of course I'm wrong... but  not really, and it  doesn't matter, does it?"

Would be interested how others react to "There's freedom is always being wrong."
​

------------------------------
CMW
Colette Martin-Wilde

Original Message:
Sent: 09-20-2021 16:22
From: Arnold Grahl
Subject: Silencing our inner critic

I suspect just about all of us have been in a job interview, or had an important phone interview, and heard that voice in the back of our head telling us that we are blowing it.  Confidence is such a key quality to possess,  yet that inner critic threatens to erode it, and stand in the way to professional and personal growth. In a recent blog post,  I share some reflections on my own struggle with this inner enemy, and what a few experts have said about combatting it. I'd love to kindle a discussion here. When do you hear your inner critic, and what strategies have you developed to counter it?

------------------------------
Arnold Grahl
------------------------------

I recently read an article that did suggest that the inner critic is related to survival.  We are always scanning the landscape for predators and danger. What could be more predatory and dangerous than work? (that's maybe a joke - up to you).

I know that some of my more "sophisticated"  criticisms are a tightly wrought ball of anxiety disorder combined with deeply ingrained  artifacts of an upbringing that emphasized guilt and unworthiness. @Maria Liccardo ​​ It makes good sense to sort out the genuinely helpful "survival" thoughts from the rest of it and go forth and succeed.

------------------------------
CMW
Colette Martin-Wilde
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 10-27-2021 08:33
From: Maria Liccardo
Subject: Silencing our inner critic

@Colette Martin-Wilde @Arnie Grahl I spent a few minutes meditating this morning and, as usual, my mind wandered all over the place (even with a guided meditation!)​​ and I thought about this inner critic discussion.

If everyone has this inner critic that is so annoying and potentially hurtful, WHY? Maybe it's an evolutionary thing so that our minds are constantly nagging us to "do better," which could be a very helpful trait for survival. Maybe it's evolved a little too far at this point!

But having that lens helped me this morning--the inner critic may be hard-wired in my brain and is intended to be helpful for me to survive. With that perspective, I can thank that critic for trying to keep me safe, dismiss the criticism if it's unwarranted, and do my best to move on.

------------------------------
Maria Liccardo

Original Message:
Sent: 10-01-2021 10:36
From: Colette Martin-Wilde
Subject: Silencing our inner critic

Thanks @Arnie Grahl.  This is something that so many of us are familiar with. Beyond the parental conditioning, I've come to notice that there is continuous, insipid reinforcement of that conditioning ever-present, ever-persistent, everywhere.  No  amount of self-care, reimagining, or courage is enough to eliminate that.  To me, that's a "condition of doing business," a state that exists and needs to be managed to a point of being able to transcend or not care.   My go-to strategy is to accept the critic's point - regardless of the source - ask the question, "Is it true?" and then deconstruct it until it's lost its power.  It's a bit tedious at times, but I have a very negative, busy brain and this approach helps a lot.

A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend  that touched on this condition of never seeming to be able to satisfy the "critics", whether they are in my head or external.  He said, "There's freedom in always being wrong; go with that" ​ This has been the most intriguing idea to explore.  I've found it to be liberating and elevating.  It doesn't entirely silence the "critics" either in my head or external ones, but it has diminished their importance and rendered them surprisingly irrelevant.  It's a good shortcut.  "Of course I'm wrong... but  not really, and it  doesn't matter, does it?"

Would be interested how others react to "There's freedom is always being wrong."
​

------------------------------
CMW
Colette Martin-Wilde

Original Message:
Sent: 09-20-2021 16:22
From: Arnold Grahl
Subject: Silencing our inner critic

I suspect just about all of us have been in a job interview, or had an important phone interview, and heard that voice in the back of our head telling us that we are blowing it.  Confidence is such a key quality to possess,  yet that inner critic threatens to erode it, and stand in the way to professional and personal growth. In a recent blog post,  I share some reflections on my own struggle with this inner enemy, and what a few experts have said about combatting it. I'd love to kindle a discussion here. When do you hear your inner critic, and what strategies have you developed to counter it?

------------------------------
Arnold Grahl
------------------------------